Celebrate *Updated*

I was going to wait for the actual V-date to share these with you, but then I realized that some of you may actually need a couple of days to get your gift together for that special (or not so) someone. So, it is with great pleasure that I bring you the best gifts I have found.

This first gift is for anyone, single or married, who realizes that needing a day set aside to be nice and romantic with the person you're supposed to behave that way toward the entire year is just retarded. I'm considering getting a dozen or so tshirts emblazoned with this brilliant message and handing them out to any happy couples I happen to run into on Wednesday. Not that I plan on being anywhere happy couples congregate, like near a romantic restaurant, armed with anti-vday merchandise. That would be weird. I'm not weird. Shut up, I'm not.



If the someone special is you, and by that, I mean that after an expensive dinner and night out, the person you get to come home to and cuddle up with is your very own self, here is a message of inspiration and truth for you:



*UPDATE* If you're not the drug-induced love-for-a-night sort of romantic, you could always go the pathetic route.


*click through to see a collection of equally brilliant postcards. I have actually sent one of them. If you can guess which, you get a prize. And by prize, I mean accolades and virtual back-patting right here. The answer will be revealed next time I write something. Probably. If I remember.

And finally, if there is a particular person you feel might be the reason you find this "holiday" to be repulsive, you should let them know it. This gift will show them that you still hold a fuzzy place in your heart just for them:




Make no mistake about it, this bundle of cuddly sweetness is not bound to any particular sex. Take heed from our fine English friends. The c-word is universal.

Happy Pseudo Holiday!!!

5 comments:

Huge Junk said...

The middle one is my favorite.

I've actually managed to be with someone over Valentine's Day like, 3 times ever. Makes it easy to dismiss as the pointless holiday when you're home alone making your 5th pack of Ramen Noodles that day.

elizabeth said...


i would have put money on that one as your favorite. Ramen noodles: a well-balanced diet, for sure. this year, i think you should treat yourself and at least order good take-out.

Huge Junk said...

When I really want a mixup I go from beef to chicken, or go from mixing the sauce packet in with hot water to getting rid of almost all the water and then sprinkling the sauce pack on top.

Susan said...

Thank you for your infinite wisdom Lilbit. This is only further evidence that I was right: I'll use the day for just one more reason for a happy f**k. There's got to be something else to use on Thursday too. And Friday, ...

elizabeth said...


hj: reading about your ramen feast made my tummy hurt a little. i guess it could be worse, and my boobs could be sore like yours.

susan: you're so welcome. i believe happiness IS the universal reason for every day of the week. I wish you much happiness.