chicks in furry costumes
Sweet. thanks for that fun image
male camel toe
Ewww. No thanks
i am a slut bitch
Sorry? But maybe you're proud?
does mountain dew make your boobs smaller
Yet another reason not to drink that neon yellow stuff. Thanks.
how big is the littlest baby that ever lived
Sorry I don't know the answer to that, but feel free to check out the cutest babies
who ever lived. They're my nieces.
uncle bracelet
Sorry, you won't find him here. But you can find him here
Showing posts with label thanks and sorry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thanks and sorry. Show all posts
-as always, actual search terms people used to get here are in italics-
can pigs really eat humans
Thanks for inquiring about the cool things pigs do. Yes, they can, in fact. So be nice or I will feed you to Petunia.
garbage chute fire
Those people totally suck, right?
statistics of baby getting hurt being thrown in the air
Sorry, if you need to google that, you probably shouldn't be entrusted with children. Babies are for twisting (and kicking, if you're very manly), but throwing is just wrong.
my boyfriend is a twat
I'm really very sorry. Perhaps better than your boyfriend having a twat, right? Unless you're into that sort of thing. Which is just fine with me.
nyquil and codeine safe?
Not only safe, but psychotropitastic! Enjoy! Thanks for the good idea. I was wondering what to do tonight.
funny herpes jokes
ok here!
Why did the dumb blonde name her dog Herpes?
Because it wouldn't heel
ok, sorry that kind of sucked, but maybe someone will leave a funnier one in the comments for you.
best canadian porn pictures
You should probably ask Matt Q about that. He is the official Canadian for this blog*. Also, he likes the naked pictures.
stare at boobs joke
"Stare at boobs" is pretty funny all by itself. Work on your delivery.
foot fetish birthday stories
Sorry I don't have any of those to share, but my best advice would be to create your own. You could start by getting me a pair of these:
... and, because it's your birthday, I will take pictures of my adorable feet in them and send them to you. Because I'm a giver. (size 7 1/2)hideous plastic boy
wow, I just don't know. perhaps you could bring him to the holigay ball, where they can give him a fabulous plastic boy makeover?
penis was too big
This is how you know google is inaccurate. I never said too big.
*the "official Canadian is a prestigious title given by this blog (me) for the following criteria:
1. from Canada
2. reads this blog
People have been especially curious, so this installment of thanks and sorry either
a. shows how diverse this blog is, by showing the many ways and types of people who might find me.
b. displays that this blog is much like the junk drawer of my brain, wherein you open it up and all sorts of random shit comes flying out.
Either way, however you found yourself here, welcome, and now please allow me to respond to your queries.
everything tastes rancid: I'm so sorry to hear that, because if everything tastes rancid, surely you are either a terrible cook, or you have run out of unspoiled food to prepare, or perhaps you have a disorder of some kind that makes even delicious things taste rancid. That is an affliction that would really piss me off.
turkish female grooming habits: hmmm thanks for being interested in grooming, because I think that's a good thing. Sorry that I'm not Turkish, so I can't really help with the details of that. I have been to Turkey, though. Istanbul is really lovely, and the women (who were very sweet and also cosmopolitan and not at all covered in burqas, by the way) seem completely well-groomed to me. I did not, however, encounter a situation where asking about their specific personal grooming habits would have seemed appropriate. Maybe if I am lucky enough to return there one day.
ask lilbit: yes, you may ask me pretty much anything. I have been told that I give really good advice, and know a lot of otherwise useless information. Feel free to ask away, thanks.
disgusting facts about swiss cheese: I'm sure there are many. The most important disgusting fact about swiss cheese is that is smells like dirty feet. The holes are made by some sort of mold, I believe, which is also gross. But the feet smell? That's the worst. Thanks for asking.
love slave valentine: I did offer that I was accepting applications for a love slave as my anti-valentine. Sorry, that offer has expired.
drag ball hair show moving parts: This confused me a little bit, but it sort of sounds like you're looking for pictures of something that was recently described to me as an event that actually happens. In real life. Hair Wars! And though it seems you were looking for the drag queen version (which would rule, no doubt), it did remind me that I wanted to perform a little search of my own. So thanks! for reminding me. Here is what I learned:
People can do some crazy shit with hair:
Seriously crazy:
What about the moving parts, you ask? Behold the helicopter hair!
Where on earth would people do such a thing? It all started in Detroit. I'm a little scared of the D.
are the late 20s too late for entering law school?: Aha, something I have experience with. Not because I ever went to law school, but because I went out with a guy a few times, who is still in law school at 30ish. No, of course it's not too late to do whatever it is you want to do. If, however, you are putting off real life by hiding out in school for another few years, women will think you're a little bit lame. Sorry, I'm just saying.
I dont want to be so self absorbed: I blog, therefore, I absorb in self. Sorry, can't help you.
In case you haven't picked up on it, these are recent searches that brought people to my little corner of the web (exact search terms are bold)
Thanks for those of you who came here looking for:
bullshit tolerance low: google is way smarter than I thought. They deciphered this about me just from my little blog. Brilliant
female biceps: obviously, I'm totally buff
holiday disasters dysfunctional family gatherings: quite a specific search. Not only were you looking for dysfunctional family gatherings, but you really wanted to find a holiday disaster. How screwed up is your family, really? Or, did you just want to sit back from your Rockwellian easy chair and laugh at the people who have family crosses to bear? Either way, since you probably didn't get what you were looking for, I guess you should also go into the following group.
Sorry to those of you who wanted to see:
cuts of the pig drawing: this is a non-pig consuming blog, so while I respect your choice in wanting to know exactly what parts of the cute creature you're dining on, I can't help you. Well, technically, I guess I could, since I know, but I'm not willing to support such things. Pigs are cute, dammit. Which reminds me...I love chef Gordon Ramsey. I have watched every show he's done. Even the terrible Hell's Kitchen. Currently, he is doing The F word, wherein he takes average people who believe themselves to be proficient in the kitchen and has them do the dinner service in his restaurant. People can choose to not pay if they are unhappy with the results. I wish I lived in London, because I'd totally go there. I might even try to cook for him, but I'm sure that would end in tears. Anyway...this season, he is raising pigs in his backyard, with the help of his wife and young kids, and they will be slaughtered at the end of the season for Sunday dinner (the pigs, not the family). He did this last season with turkeys for Christmas. There is, of course, the worry that the kids will become attached to the pigs and not want to eat them. So, to combat that, they took some tape and began to mark off the parts and what they would make from the pigs. The kids? Totally ok with this. Gordon? Not so much. He is being persuaded by the piggy cuteness. I have no doubt, he'll still gladly make bacon from them, but still. So, if you came here searching for that, watch the show. I'm sure you'll learn, in great detail, all about it.
On a related note, fast food: again, something you won't find here. You can read about me being grossed out about it, though. Maybe that's what you wanted? Probably not.
On a totally unrelated note, lilbit actress. What's interesting to me is the term "actress", since Lil' Bit, as she relates to the entertainment industry, is a porn star. I was going to give you all a link so you could see her, but all my search results were totally NSFW and a little scary, frankly. Google her yourself if the curiosity is killing you.
Which brings me to huge tits. Tits aren't something you'll find here, either, huge or otherwise. Well, technically, you'd find them here, on my person, but not on this blog. And not huge. Nicely sized, I think, in good proportion to the rest of me, but not huge, in case you were wondering. But I certainly wouldn't allow any pummel tits. I don't even really want to know why you'd want to find that.
Finally, you're welcome to:
when is it a date/lukewarm first date: the Man Notes are clearly reaching people.
non-sexual boyfriend: I'm "you're welcome"ing you in advance, because I'm going to answer this query right now. If you have a boyfriend, who is not saving himself for his future wife (virgin), is physically well, and is non-sexual, it's time to go. He is either getting it elsewhere, isn't attracted to you, or has some mental issue he's dealing with that you cannot fix. I repeat. You cannot fix this. If he chooses to seek help in dealing with this, that's great. I'm totally for you sticking by him while he does. The chances of this happening are slim, in my experience, though.
The fact of the matter is that men, by nature, are sexual. This is something we should love about men. It's who they are. When they display behavior that is contrary to this very basic fact, something is wrong. Wrong with the relationship or wrong with him. But wrong. I'm not a doctor, but this is something I have experience with. This is not a judgment on your non-sexual boyfriend. I hope he works out whatever it is that ails him, but if you are a healthy, sexual woman who is not having the kind of relationship she needs from her man, this is something you must recognize. The great news is that there are literally millions of men in the world who are plenty sexual. My advice is to find one of them.
Thanks:
To the people asking to see pictures of the hideous hickey; to the person from Sunday's yoga class who felt it necessary to discuss the hickey with CNG, so I got a fun phone call from him; and to the dumbass who gave it to me.
Sorry:
To the person who came here in search of "frottage subway". I'm so not feeling you up, and I don't even take the subway (almost ever). You may want to try Tokyo, I hear it's a much bigger problem there. Women even get their own subway cars during rush hour because the men are such pervs.
Thanks to:
Kere and Kel, for your apparent infectious obsession with the order in which you (and now I) read all blogs on the daily feed. I hate (but still love, really) you both.
Schnozz, for (rather insistently) directing me to Google Reader, which I love much more than bloglines, which now just annoys me.
Sorry to:
the people who came here looking for:
- pictures of Brazil: I haven't yet been, but would be happy to go, and take lots of pictures if you'd like to send me there.
- extreme tattoos: I had no idea that one tattoo post would lead you astray. Perhaps you followed the link and found what you were looking for. You're welcome.
- dating a bitch: Well, I haven't dated a bitch, per se, but perhaps you can track down a blog written by someone I've dated, as I'm sure they'll have plenty of advice on what to do if you are.
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