There are very few things in life that are perfect. I don't care how much you love your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/pet/sibling/child..whatever...they aint perfect. Occassionally, one finds the perfect something, and that thing will be cherished and loved. In this case, we're talking peanut butter. I know, it seems so trivial, but you know what? I crave peanut butter and jelly maybe once every 3 or 4 months, so when I eat it, it may as well be good. About 2 years ago, I found the perfect peanut butter. 
Ah, look at its beauty.. the simplicity, the bright, exciting colors. The variety of chunky and smooth..I'm a smooth girl myself, but if you're one of those weirdos who likes your peanut butter gritty, well they've got that too. It's organic, so obviously way healthier than other peanut butter..it's smooth and creamy and it doesn't separate. You see, that's always been my issue with buying natural peanut butter in the past. I don't want to have to stir my peanut butter. It's just icky. So, I've been buying this stuff religiously now for a couple of years and all was happy in my peanut butter world.
Then those bastards changed it. On my last trip to the store, I picked up a jar, chucked it into the cart and it's been sitting in my cupboard, hiding the telltale sign of the change. I took it out tonight, and as I was spreading it onto my perfectly sliced bread, something was strange and not quite right. I picked up the jar to closer inspect and there it was: "now easier to spread!" Umm, dumbasses..it's peanut butter. If you are having difficulty spreading peanut butter (the most perfect of all the available peanut butter ever), you don't deserve to eat it. You're peanut butter impaired. Stick with deli meat.
It's still yummy, it's still better tasting than that stuff that rhymes with "Chippy" and "Whiff", and no, it still doesn't separate. It's just a little runnier than it needs to be. Sigh..perhaps after a while in the fridge, it will be like the stuff I know and love. Once again, the standards being dropped for the lowest common denominator in society rears its ugly head. Some soccer mom can't spread the peanut butter and I have to suffer. Well, soccer mom, thanks for messing with my little bit of perfection.
And now for something completely different (yeah, I stole that from some British dudes..what of it?)...
via sitboaf
**check out more of that guy's brilliance here
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2 comments:
You know what I think?
I think they changed the method of production, or found a place to get their ingredients cheaper (thereby increasing profit margin), but instead of lowering the price, which they would never do, they said, "We can make more money per jar, but it's runnier. Do we go back to the way we had it?"
And someone else said "No! Instead of losing money by keeping it thicker, we'll just claim that it's EASIER TO SPREAD."
Heartless corporate bastards - whether they work at Whole Foods or not.
damn, i thought i was cynical...
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