Contrary to Popular Belief, I Sometimes Feel Badly...

...about making fun of CNG for his feeble attempt at reconnecting, believe it or not. I showed up this afternoon to open the yoga studio and it was already open. The whole -dating someone at the place where I find peace and sweat out my stress- probably wasn't the wisest idea. He is never there on the days that I am. It is, in fact, why I am there. Yet, there were his shoes as I opened the door that was left ajar. As I walked in and saw him sitting at the desk, I gave my best smiling face and asked how he was. (I'm not a total bitch all the time, you know) He responded with "Hi, thanks for returning my phone call yesterday." Oops. In my defense, other than the didn't-want-to-talk-to-you-anyway reasoning, he called while I was attempting to negotiate an apartment lease..more on that fun time in a moment. So, I was a little busy, and after that was over, I was hardly in the mood for fun chit chat with anyone, much less him.

He then proceeded to be flirty and attempted some cuteness. Amazing how once someone crosses that line with me, they completely cease being attractive, regardless of how good-looking. When he started to get the gist that the flirting was not being returned, he got all serious on me. Telling me that he put aside his bruised ego because he missed me and thought that I was worth putting that silly argument behind us. I tried, as gently as possible, to explain that it just brought to light the realization that we may be far too different to actually relate to one another on that level. At one point, I thought he was going to just cry, and it made me feel like shit.

Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on going out with him ever again, and it's not even like it was some long or even slightly intense romance. It was fun while it was fun, and then it just wasn't. The conversation ended with him saying I should call him if I decide to stop being stubborn. Blah.

So, the apartment thing. I did mention briefly that I may have to move. Here's the whole deal, and it's complicated and frustrating, and it reveals what is still my absolute lack of independence from the ex, which is something I'm not proud of. But it's the truth, and if I get to shit on other people for annoying me, I guess there's no harm in showing off some of my own crap to be mocked.

The apartment I'm in is actually one that the ex had been renting for the past couple of years, for managers at his restaurant. There were two girls who first lived here until they both got fired, then a guy who only lasted a couple months, and then a British friend of the ex's (who was also helping with the restaurant) and her teenage son. It was planned all along that the friend and son would be moving in with the ex (and me, so we thought) when the apartment was finished being renovated. Then the friend was going back to England when her son went to college, and he would either stay or not, depending on what school he went to.

Following this so far?

So, renovation was done, I was moving out, British chick and son moving out of apartment and in with ex..empty 2 bedroom kickass apartment. I had my new home. In a cute neighborhood I'm very comfortable in, because the restaurant is right around here, so I've spent plenty of time in the area. Win-win sitch for all. Oh, did I mention that the ex agreed to cover the rent for a year? Yeah, that's the part where my fierce independence is suddenly confronted with the cold, hard fact that I'm an artist who hasn't had to worry about an income for almost 7 years.

The problem here is that the lease is up at the end of this month. They are significantly jacking up the rent, as this area is exploding with luxury condos and apartments, being swallowed up by yuppies. I inquired about moving into a one bedroom in my building, and there was one available for slightly less than this 2 bedroom costs for the next few days. Spoke to ex, he agreed to sign a lease on the 1 bedroom, I thought I was made in the shade for a while longer. Until I went to get the paperwork in order. They are no longer allowing pets in the building, as of last year. Since this lease already had a grandfathered pet clause, it was fine that the dogs were with me when I moved in. They will not, however, enter into a new agreement (for a different apartment) with pets. If I stay in this apartment, the dogs can stay, because it's not an entirely new lease, just an extension of the existing one. What a bunch of bullshit mumbo jumbo, really. So, the rock and the hard place I'm between is finding a new place to live that allows 2 large-ish dogs (I've been looking, imfuckingpossible), or finding a way to stay here without the ex paying significantly more money.

The solution is a roommate. I've never had a roommate. Ever. Unless you count the 2 guys I've lived with in sin, which is less roommate, more playing house, so completely different. Just so happens that there is someone currently looking for a place and he needs to move immediately. No, it's not MWP. I'm not doing that again, even if we did know each other longer than a few weeks. I'm not an idiot. If I'm going to do the whole cohabitation thing, I'll just get married already. Jury is still way out on that ever happening. It's yet another manager from the ex's restaurant. I'm so torn. He's a nice guy, I think it could work, but the roommate/lack of privacy thing makes me nervous. *I'm totally willing to hear opinions/advice on the situation. Here are the pros and cons as I see them.

Pro Roommate:

Obviously, there's the not moving. Moving sucks.
The pool..yes, there's a pool...opens this weekend, so what a really terrible time to leave this building
The chances of my finding a place in this area with the dogs (and they are not negotiable, having outlasted several men and friendships) are slim to none, and in the meanwhile, this place would be on a month-to-month basis, which is a real financial raping. Sure, it's not my money, but I don't enjoy daily phone calls from angry ex asking when the hell I'm moving.
Potential roommate works most nights, promises to be clean, cooks, would have his own bedroom and bathroom, so not really in my personal space.

Con Roommate:

The unknown. I'm a grown woman, I'm not likely to get less set in my ways about how I want my home to be.
The thought of gettin freaky (I'm single, people) with someone else in my apartment able to listen (I'm also vocal, people) eeks me out a little
Boys are generally gross. It's only a matter of time before he does something boy-gross. These things can be forgiven when you're in love..when it's just some guy living in the same space? Not so much.
No walking around apartment semi naked.

Ok, I apologize for being so damn verbose. Just a lot going on in my head. Ugh, I'm never going to be able to sleep tonight.

*Really, people. Advice is needed, don't be shy. Even if I think your 2 cents suck, I will likely keep that to myself in this one little instance.


Kel said...

OK, I have read this at least 3X and I just don't have any advise -

damned if you do, damned if you don't

male roommates are easier than female in most cases -

the dog clause is a big deal -

hmm, good luck!

Kel said...

LOVE the new header - especially the subtitle

wish I was so clever!

Jeff said...

I don't have any advise either. BUT I do have ADVICE.

1 - Search a bit farther afield. You'll get a place with more space for work and the dogs and your sanity.
2 - If you can't bother with a roommate (and Kel is right, guys are much easier* than girls), then expand your search and stick to your guns about being solo.
3 - I'm not a shrink and the three things I have an issue with are ChiroQuackters, Shrinks and the myth of ADD. BUT, I can see that you have some tendencies toward living a life of swing. "Swing" meaning that you go deep into a guy (no pun or sick reference meant) and then slowly meander across the great divide to the far side and then you're looking hard for any glimmer of negative so you can destroy a budding relationship. The solution - that I espose but can't even follow myself (just call me the infatuation king) - is to start each day by picking one thing to concentrate on that day. Not anything so tiny as shoes or smoking, but a theme. Such as, "Today I'll be good to others."
When I said that the other day, I was rewarded with the opportunity to tell some woman in a bank that her car top was down and her car was starting to fill with water from the automatic sprinklers in the bank parking lot. Joy!
Today, I said I would concentrate on taking care of myself. That means I probably will drink less coffee, be less stressed and just try and flow with live and enjoy everything around me.
Tomorrow I might dedicate to killing bugs.
You get the gist?
SO, get off the "I need to destroy this relationship" bandwagon and pick your daily things. I'll start it for you...
SATURDAY - Concentrate on talking about meaningful things to the dogs. That doesn't mean baby-talking the dogs into insanity. That means providing the dogs with an audio diary of your entire life. Tell them what you did before they were around and how the rest of their lives and yours is going to turn out. (be positive so you don't scare them)
SUNDAY - Concentrate on snacks. Don't eat any orchestrated meal NO MATTER WHAT! Have snacks all day and make that your focus.
MONDAY - Visit something to do with Memorial Day. It could be IKEA with red, white and blue decorations. It could be hopping on the train to Washington DC. It could be listening to A Life of Play podcast and the Memorial Day BBQ special.

There you go. You're welcome.

I say that guys are easier because they:
Don't communicate except in facts. If they want a dish, they ask for a dish. If they want to go get a drink, they say, let's go get a drink. There isn't a wishy-washy dance about any event or situation. Therefore, you don't have to worry about offending a guy roommate because he won't admit you hurt him emotionally. That means, you have carte blanche to demand what you want when you want it.

Trash out. Just say so...don't be passive aggressive and drop hints like, "wow, your pizza boxes and beer bottles are everywhere." JUST SAY, "Clean up the crap you left all over. I'm having people over."


And finally about the loud sex. Please post an MP3 file for Tom, boaf and myself to evaluate.