Man Notes™

Since I have officially re-entered the dating scene, I have decided to share some nuggets of wisdom with you men folk out there. I would like it to become a regular feature here, but if you've learned anything about me, you know that I don't really do anything regularly. I'll try, how's that? The beauty of the man notes is that you don't even have to be a single guy to make use of them. If you've been lucky enough to have a woman agree to put up with you on a full-time or even marital basis, I'm sure you could still benefit from at least some of this stuff. Married chicks dig romance, too.

So, you know when you first start dating someone and you're all everything-he-does-is-so-adorable, and then at some point you realize that those things are, in fact, not really adorable, but only vague snippets of what later make you want to hit them , even if you are a tree-huggy, non-violent type? Often what highlights those snippets is the contrasting behavior of someone else you meet, after the wanting to hit urge has gotten to the point where you no longer associate with the original person. Those little things will be the focus of this installment of the man notes.

  • Making plans: Women, no matter how strong and independent, appreciate a man who makes actual date plans. That means contacting her several days prior to going out, making sure that she's available (because it's nice to not assume she's got nothing better to do), and making reservations, or checking movie times, or whatever needs to be done to make the date happen.
  • Compliments: We want to know that we look good, smell good, are brilliant, witty, etc. Now, that doesn't mean you should just spout off random, insincere compliments to fill some nice thing quota. If I just worked for 10 hours and I'm covered in soot and metal fragment splinters, don't tell me I look great. I don't look great. But if I make the effort to look girly (which is the look I prefer, despite my career choice), notice.
  • Dress in big boy clothes: I'm sure you think you look adorable in your track pants and tight fitting knit polo, and that would be completely fine if you're hanging out and watching movies at home, or better the house. Men who clean are HOT. But, if you are going anywhere remotely public with a woman, even if it's just a local bar for a drink, dress in something equally cute to what the woman will be wearing. If you're the guy at the bar/restaurant/whatever who looks like he put no effort into what he looks like and the woman sitting next to you has an ensemble with cute shoes, you suck.
  • If the woman (or the 2 of you for the married/living in sin) has pets, you had better learn to love them. That means if you are going out and she must quickly walk her dogs before you leave, or as soon as you get back, this is a chance to participate in something she already loves. Do not sit on the couch while she dons dog walking shoes and tangles herself in leashes. Get off your ass and walk with her. She will appreciate it, and if you can get the pets to like you, you've won half the battle.

This last one is the most important, so of course, the most difficult.

  • Balance the manliness/sensitivity. I know, it seems a hard thing to judge. We like guys who are guys, but we also appreciate someone who is capable of deep thought with a bit of a squishy side. I think the safest way to play it is: if you're a guy's guy..tending to be a little rough around the edges, if you're a sports fanatic, if you're more in tune with your car/truck/motorcycle than you are with your feminine side, just try to be a little softer than usual, especially when you first meet a woman, or if the woman who puts up with you hasn't seen that side of you in a while. However, if you're naturally sensitive, if you know what a duvet is, you can cook, have been in therapy, know what shoes look best with an outfit, you have to man it up a little. Sensitive is great, but I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again...You are the man in the relationship, you have to let her be the chick. No whining, ever. Nothing will ensure a hasty end of a date, or a "headache" when you and your woman get home faster than listening to you whine.

Ok, so there we go. I'm not sure how often I'll do the man notes, but I have a date on Thursday (because he called me yesterday..Sunday..a full 4 days in advance to make plans), so I'm sure I'll have something to say about the whole man/woman thing on Friday.

P.S. I know I promised pictures of the water wall..they will be forthcoming soon. I've been working on what is essentially the centerpiece of it, which has been kept a secret even to the ex, who is the client. Barring meltdown today, it will be finished and installed by this evening. I will get pictures of it both in the daylight and with the spotlights on it, so you can get the full effect.


Joe Speaker said...


Tell you what, if you do Man Notes regularly, I will pay you.

tom said...

Gee, you don't want much.

So, since I know what a duvet is, do all the cooking in the house, and help my wife shop for her clothes, I guess I need to go beat the crap out of somebody in front of her.

sitboaf said...

Me, Thom, Joe and Jeff: 4-way death match. Winner gets swooned over by Elizabeth.
No biting.

elizabeth said...

joe: i'm not above taking payment for my girly wisdom

tom: ok, difference between manly and neandrathal (i am a tree-huggy type, remember) violence=bad

boaf: ok, the non-viloence aside, if there must be a death match, you have to allow biting

tom said...

Oh, okay. Apparently I overreached for the manliness. Instead of the beating I'll just fix something and then put something together without the instructions.

Jeff said...

How in the world did I miss this post?

I'm an over-complimenter. Sorry...whoops, that's too sensitive, I'll just flip up my Izod colla....oh, darny darn darn, that's crummy of me to be so abrasive...oh, me oh my.

But I would walk the dogs, help you cook, spiff up nicely and even wear my contacts and gel my hair, and hold all the doors.

No need to swoon...just simple massage and appropriate attention will suffice.

Huge Junk said...

I may end up as an auctioned off bachelor during a woman-power, what kind of a car do you drive, you better dress like a gay man, type of event.

I'll have to keep these things in mind while I attempt to pretend I'm not a degenerate gambler who likes the word douchebag a little too much.


Kel said...

this really applies to all men

afterall, even a husband should remeber to continue dating his wife ;)