Ladies, we need to talk

Oh, but first I need to thank the brilliant Placebo for fixing this page in Explorer. If you've been looking at this blog in IE, welcome to what it would look like if you used a good browser. I can't promise it will stay fixed, because I often change stuff around and don't even bother to look at it in that crappy browser. You could just download a good one just to see my blog correctly all the time. Is that selfish of me?

Anyway...

Girls, I love you. Really, I do. I don't want to be forced to become one of those catty women snickering behind your back whenever I'm out in public. The only way our relationship is going to remain healthy, though, is if you listen to reason.


The low cut jean: This is a clothing item that should be banned from online sale because they really need to be tried on. In fact, it should be necessary to try them on in front of a 360∘mirror, and while sitting on various chairs of different heights. I love these jeans, too. I also have enough self-awareness to know what's going on with them when I sit down, and enough common sense to know what panties do and do not work with them. This whole whale tail thing? It's not sexy. It's ghetto. Cut it out.

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VPL: Yeah speaking of the panties...girls girls girls..I know it's been said before, but some of you have not gotten the memo. If your underwear dissects your bum, do not leave the house like this. Rethink it..there must be some other choice in that closet of yours.

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muffin top: why, oh why is this still happening? Do people actually leave the house without looking in a mirror?

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This is not about being big or small, a size 2 or 12. Some of the sexiest women I know are boodylicious. They just know how to dress their curves, and don't leave them all exposed for the world to see.

I'm just tired of going out at night and seeing these same things over and over and over again. Let's get it together, ladies. I'd like to still respect you in the morning.

PS...now that the page is fixed, I'm going to be updating that stalking list over there on the left just to see if I can break it again, for kicks. Kel, if you're out there..send me your email address so i can find your new web home.

6 comments:

Joe Speaker said...

That was painful to see. Literally. I jumped in horror at the third and banged my knee. Perhaps a "Not Safe for the Squeamish" disclaimer at the top of the post?

I'd like to think your good deed hastens the eradication of these scourges to good taste, but free will and passable brain function are a potent combo.

Huge Junk said...

Make sure you listen to Episode 9 when it gets up shortly. We gave you a shoutout!

slb159 said...

Funny, there's actually an arrow in the 3rd pic.
Thanks for directing me.
Just kidding.
More of that blonde in the first pic please.

Jeff said...

I'd like to order one whale tale to go. Please stuff a tasty muffin top in the bag too.

OK...while you're at it. Could I just get a tiny cut of rump, extra fatty and rare?

Thanks!

Jeff

Kel said...

speechless, just speechless

but that could be the naseau

QueenieCarly said...

Muffin tops. Wow. I don't think I had realized that it's probably in my list of top 3 pet peeves until you articulated it for me. I always wonder if it's denial that the wearer has grown out of the pants or if they never really fit in the first place. What a bizarre phenomenon.