Man Notes™ V

Yes, I know it's been awhile. Some of you men are out there, floundering, without my help, in some kind of behavior limbo. (or you're just being complete retards, and that's really to be expected). Sorry about that.

Now for the completely random tidbits:

Her phone is not "broken": if you continually call that girl you like/went out with/dated for a while, and she doesn't answer/doesn't call back/calls back only to discuss something pertinent...STOP telling yourself that it's because she's having phone problems. Yes, she might "uh huh" that reason, when you insist it must be the culprit, but really... it's only to avoid having to tell you that she's so not interested, she's not even interested in telling you she's not interested. (was that one a little too 'just me'?)

You know what the biggest turnoff is for a woman you are pursuing? Discussing the last girl you were with. Even if it's to say how she did these various things that annoyed you or that made you realize she was all wrong for you. We don't mind the random story of some girl doing something stupid and funny, anecdote-style. But for fuck's sake, if merely eating lunch across the table from another female reminds you of that time your ex put too much mayonnaise on your sandwich, and you were so upset...blah blah blah...seriously, snap out of it. We don't want to hear your mayonnaise story. Check please.

Grooming. We're glad you boys have stepped up to the plate. Truly, we appreciate the manscaping and the whole smelling good thing. Could you maybe allow us to figure out the particular brand of personal upkeep you adhere to when we decide we want to know? I don't need my first date appetizer with a side of "My balls are shaved completely bald, you know...to make everything more accessible, if you know what I mean." If you know what I mean??? No, please elaborate. I'd also like to know if you wax your ass cheeks before we get to the main course. Or how about not. Also, if this is your way of oh-so-slyly trying to figure out what my whole personal grooming habits are? You're never, ever finding out.

We absolutely do like honesty. To a point. Sure, tell me that you're at a place in your life where you're looking for a committed relationship (or not). Please don't interview me as if this is the speed round in 'Who wants to marry this guy and pop out some kids'. As if dating wasn't enough like a weird girlfriend job interview, I would like to at least grip to some shred that it can actually just be two people out having fun and letting things unfold naturally.

Being single is so much fun.