Man Notes™ VI- the fabulous edition

Due to the disturbing nature of the things I witnessed last night, I realized that the Man Notes need to be expanded to the fabulous gay boys. That's not to say that some of these helpful hints can't be used by you woman-chasers, as well, but it's about time they got some advice just for them.

Pssst...hey, average looking guy who somehow got very cute guy to pay attention to you. STOP going on and on about the guy you've been having a thing with for the past five years. The fact that your birthdays are two days apart and you always thought he could be "the one" is not something that hot guy needs to hear nauseum. I was just standing near this conversation and it was very awkward. You're so not getting laid.

Whether you like it or not, there is a certain stereotype you boys need to deal with. You are expected to be at least moderately fashionable. So to the guy in the light-washed, tapered-at-the-ankle jeans (and white sneakers)...for the love of god, man. Get a friend who has left his house in the past 20 years to help dress you.

If you are going out to the bars, boys, please have some mercy on the olfactory senses of the rest of us and go easy with that cologne. Walking up to the bar last night was like getting slapped in the face with man cologne stew.

If you are trying desperately to get the attention of a guy, and he continually ignores you...turns his back to you, refuses to make eye contact, moves to the other side of the NOT attempt to talk to the cute girl with him, and tell her how fabulous she is in hopes that she'll help you out. We are there to help buffer them from guys like you, not to give you an "in".

And finally, about those bartenders. Yes, lots of them (even the really pretty ones with the perfect abs that you've been staring at for hours) are straight. I know you've been tipping him really well all night, trying to get him to do lots of shots with you in hopes that he might be up for a little experimentation. Maybe he will, even. However, when he ignores you for 3 seconds to get me a drink, understand that it's not because he's an asshole. It's because he hasn't actually seen boobs all night, and he likes more than a fashion accessory. Trying to ban women from the bar because you had to wait an extra blink of an eye to get your beer doesn't make you a gay activist. It makes you a dickhead.


Joe Speaker said...

Did the guy with the 1983 wardrobe have a "bi-level" (as it was known before the derisive "mullet" term was created) or his short sleeves rolled up?

Please say yes.

elizabeth said...

as much as i would LOVE to say that he did, come on now...if he had the mullet, do you think i would have failed to mention it? poor thing had enough problems, i think there may have been gay-on-gay bashing if he dared the mullet.

MonkeyDragon said...

love the Man Notes series - and this is classic

bravo -

will you please tackle the early 40's married guy next - oh, please

if you say it I won't get in trouble ;)

elizabeth said...

thanks! hmmm i could certainly do married guys (i don't think age is all that relevant, since men mostly remain at the maturity level of 17), though i think lots of the previous installments could be translated for the married. i'll definitely keep it in mind for next time.