If you know me personally you are aware of how uncontrollable the urge is for me to post about things involving douchebags, retards, and my many great accomplishments. (World class calves, people) So when I found this on fark I just had to click on the link and watch the video goodness waiting for me next to the story.

Yes, I’m asking you to click on this link (below) first. Read the story and then watch the video. It’s definitely worth it, and furthermore it makes everything that follows make more sense. So go now, bored internet surfer, and enjoy a delicious video before reading my thoughts below. Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

Go here now!!!

Done now? Good.

My favorite part (by far) is when the reporter states, “It might surprise you to know that he has Down Syndrome.”



I actually thought we were watching another in the line of great acting performances by one of today’s greatest thespians. Following in the footsteps of epic retard performances like Cuba Gooding Jr. as that mentally disabled black kid who carries a football around, or something. Though I am not totally convinced he was playing a retard. He may have just been playing a black guy who lacked coordination.

Don’t laugh. It can happen.

Usually they’re put down early when lack of hip-ness and/or signs of clumsiness are seen. Occasionally though, parents feel like they may grow out of it and develop those ever important skills later in life. Scottie Pippen, for example, should have been put down early for lack of coordination, as well as for being so ugly. (Rumor has it that the doctors and nurses on staff the night he was born all committed group eye-gouging to rid themselves of his image.) When things don’t somehow fix themselves you end up with Radio.

Enough Radio though, let’s get back to this video…

My very first thought was how he looked and sounded just like George W.

I mean, the inability to properly (or smoothly) formulate words and sentences. The slightly confused look. Standing in the bathroom watching himself sing just like I envision our President doing. The suit. The tie.

In the end I was able to realize that this kid wasn’t our president. His IQ was way too high!

I know there are a bunch of you red-staters out there reading this and getting all worked up that I’m making fun of our president. Don’t worry. Jesus is totally real, I’m going to hell, I wish you’d be more involved in how I live my life, gays can be reprogrammed, evolution is a myth, and Dale Earnhardt is the greatest athlete the U. S. of A. has ever produced.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so this kid loves to sing.

And the news chick thinks he’s some sort of pet. She wants to take him home because he’s so adorable.

And if you listen until the end you’ll hear a sweet little nugget of a zinger from one of the news people. They actually rip on the kid for his fashion sense by noting that he’s probably the first person to take fashion cues from George W.


This whole thing reminds me of a guy named Ronnie. He’s from my hometown and has Down Syndrome just like George W. and the kid from this video. He has ridden a moped to and from work at the local upscale grocery store for as long as I can remember. His family belonged to the same golf course as mine so we’d often see Ronnie out there after our rounds where my dad and I would play with his dad and brother.

The guy is pretty damn funny. Now I usually only see him when I’m home and making a solo trip out to the store for something. He always asks how everyone is doing, my mom, my dad, my brothers. I always enjoy chatting him up for a few minutes. I actually dread going to the store in my hometown because I hate bumping into people and not being able to remember their names. I’m terrible with names.

Over the last few years I’ve noticed that he now looks more like his age. He was always much older than me but he never looked it. The years have caught up with him though, and on a recent trip home we caught him at the end of his shift. I was with my dad and my cousin, if memory serves me correctly. He didn’t have a ride home to his apartment so I offered to drive him home. He had bought some stuff and was ready to roll. We made it to the car and I helped him load his 6 half gallons of ice cream and two 24 packs of diet coke into the trunk. When I asked about the odd purchase of so much ice cream he replied that it was on sale cheap that week. Can’t argue there.

When we got to his apartment I offered to help him carry his stuff up and when we got to his door I realized for the first time that he lived alone. I hadn’t thought about it before, and I guess I just sort of assumed he lived at his parents place. Not that he wasn’t capable, but I guess I never had a reason to think otherwise from the time I first met him forward. He led me in and it hit me that it was relatively late on a Friday night. My family was just revving up for the evening and I was dropping him off to what looked like an evening of solitary ice cream consumption and television watching.

I can still remember how sad I was jogging down the steps and back to the car. Nobody should have to spend their life alone.

Which is why I submit that all kids with Down Syndrome be given a karaoke machine and a mirror on their fifth birthday.


Daniel said...

First, I think your article is very graceful and your view is so logic. My friends on and I all agree wtth you about life goes on.

Donkeypuncher said...


I don't know which is better, Corky singing "Fight the Power" or this kid. I might need to watch each video 5 more times...

elizabeth said...

oh my goodness. well, i cannot argue with daniel the spammer, who states that "your view is so logic".

Matt Q said...

I once read a blog of a man that went by a few names. His blog has since been discontinued, but one thing remains: his boasts of "world class calves". I'm happy to see you back wheezy, and on a site that I started reading because a link in one of your posts recommended it.

Joe Speaker said...

This took a maudlin turn I was not expecting.

Did you let Ronnie sit in the front seat?

Wheezy said...

Thanks Matt, it's nice to write again, even if it isn't full time on my own site with no flowers on it.

Speaker, he obviously stayed in the trunk to make sure his ice cream was alright. It's safer than a giant car seat.

Betty Underground said...

I loved loved loved "Life Goes On" - Becca and her first love Jesse, who was HIV + was a perfect fairy tale.
They don't write teen romances like that anymore.