Betty Underground tagged me and since she got me squarely in my sweet spot (upper right quadrant of right ass-cheek) I figured I would oblige.

Seven Random Facts About Wheezy:

1. I really could care less if I ever eat a sprinkle on a donut ever again, but when I stand at the counter of Dunkin Donuts (which is a lot thanks to my job where I need to smooze fat ladies for access) I will check out the chocolate frosted and the chocolate frosted with sprinkles and ask for the one that looks bigger.

2. I've been on Court Tv before. No, not for that. (They didn't have proper DNA matching equipment back then, and besides, the only witness died mysteriously.) No, this was for the trial of a douchebag who killed my friend (and soccer teammate) Adam by shooting him through the front door of his house after being woken up by kids toilet papering his house. Adam was driving by when the kids were chased away by the swearing, boat oar swinging, douchebag. He stopped to chat with the other kids since he knew them, then proceeded to turn down the guy's street to drive home. The guy came out and looked to be taking his license plate down. Adam tried to explain through the window but the guy went back inside. Adam backed up and pulled into his driveway, jogged up to the door to knock and explain himself, and was shot and killed through the door instead. (I also had a friend die in a car accident when he fell asleep at the wheel and wasn't wearing a seatbelt, as well as a close friend who knew both of the aforementioned guys but also had an uncle commit suicide, another friend die in a car accident, and one day she was driving down a side street when a little kid ran out in front of her car and she was unable to avoid hitting and, sadly, killing him. This all happened within about a year and a half.)

3. The one and only time I have ever had a dream about CPR, the dream involved myself and my good friend Ryan needing to help resuscitate two people for whatever reason. It turned out that when I woke up early that morning to go pick up Ryan for some golf, I found out that his step father had suffered a heart attack during the early morning hours and while I was dreaming about Ryan giving CPR to someone he was actually giving his step dad CPR a few miles away.

(This Meme was about death, right?)

4. I've always enjoyed seeing how well I can do on tests without putting any effort into learning the stuff in the first place. It made college more challenging than it should have been. It worked in some classes. Calculus was not one of those classes.

5. Whenever possible I like to use the 1st or 3rd urinal, utilizing a left to right starting point and obeying all Male Bathroom Codes of Conduct first and foremost.

6. I haven't hung pictures in my various apartments over the past 5 years, despite having a few things I would love to put up on the wall. I have, however, kept them leaned up against the wall close in proximity to where they would probably go during most of those 5 years.

7. I used to babysit as a 14/15 year old boy for a journeyman NBA player named Pace Mannion. He had moved into the house formerly occupied by my friend Rodney and his family. Though as I think back I can only remember ever seeing Rodney's older brother, who was a mighty drug addict, as well as his sister. No parents in my memories. His sister used about a half bottle of the old school foot high bottle of hairspray each day. She may be personally responsible for a large percentage of chloroflourocarbon damage to our ozone. Anyhow, this guy moved in his wife and two kids, one boy one girl. The main memory that sticks out is watching the boy snort an orange runt candy up his nose on accident. He had it half in and thought it was so funny that he snorted hard and you could barely see the thing. I had no idea what to do and was on the verge of freaking out. I got ahold of one of the neighbor ladies and by the time she came over the kid had cried so much that the first few candy layers melted and the thing slid out quite easily.

No memory on whether or not he popped that bad boy in his mouth afterward.

So let that be a lesson to you all. If a kid snorts a runt candy on accident you should do whatever is necessary to make him cry so that it'll come out. Hit him, kick him, whatever.

Thanks Betty. That was fun.