I'm tired of apologizing for being a lazy blogger, so let's just assume from here on out that things can get sporadic from time to time. Like when I'm about to go away for 5 days and have 893 things to do before I leave and not enough hours in the day to do them. Good thing those 5 days will be totally worth it.

For part of that trip, I'm heading up to Canada, or Canadialand, as that country is officially known. I've been to countries on the other side of the planet, but the land up north has remained a mystery to me. Despite trying to garner the advice of the official Canadian of this blog, I'm at a loss. Am I supposed to form all phrases into the form of a question? Will I be breaking some sort of federal law if I omit the use of "eh?" at the end of my sentences? What about the lack of beer consumption? I just don't like the stuff, yet they seem to be very proud of their better, stronger beer up there.

I easily avoided the beer issue when in Amsterdam, because apparently, they are much more proud of their agricultural offerings. That was something I could get on board with. I was not forced to drink any Amstel Light, despite being told that it was much better there than it is here in the U.S. I'll take their word for it.

Also, I might have to actually get sneakers for this trip, to participate in a charity event. Have you heard about my distaste for sneakers? My feet will be unfairly rendered un-cute. It's upsetting.

Feel free to offer trip advice and phrases that can help me to more easily communicate with the locals.


Wheezy said...

"Get out of my fucking way, I'm a goddamn American!"

"Is this it? I came all the way to this "Country" (must make quote signs with hands) and this is it? Seriously?"

and lastly...

"Man, I wish (insert name of city you live) was more like this!"

At least that's what I though when I saw the Beer Store, how people drive, and the upkeep of most of what I saw there.

Matt Q said...

Despite popular belief, Canada is nothing like the movie Stange Brew with Bob and Doug Mackenzie.

Saying "eh" will make us think you are making fun of us.

You don't need to drink beer, but don't be surprised to see anyone downing 20 of them in one sitting. It's what we do.

I have no idea what Canadian Bacon is. If you try to order it in a restaurant, you might get laughed at. Pretty sure it's peameal bacon. Mmmmmm bacon.

"U" turns are illegal in Ontario, but you can turn right on a red light (after you stop of course).

Have a good trip, and mind Wheezy's advice about our drivers. There are more 90 year olds on the road up here than you think!

elizabeth said...

good thing i don't plan on driving at all. that's what boys are for. driving and lifting heavy things.

also a good thing there is ZERO chance of me ordering bacon of any kind.

and you totally say "eh". i had a friend from canada, and she said it all the time. you're in "eh" denial.

Betty Underground said...

I might be able to help you out with the sneakers thing! Unless it is snowing, you are not likely to get me to cover any more of my foot than a flip-flop will hide - yet, I like to run (walk fast) soooo.. years ago I found these:

Nike Rift

Fashioned after the barefoot runners of Kenya, they have a split toe that looks like it will feel funny more than it does. Personally, I think they look cute on - not to mention WICKED comfy and come in cute colors/patterns.