Man Notes™ X

Ok, boys. You're in luck. All the secrets of the universe, or at least the ones in women's heads, are about to be revealed to you.

We sometimes push, just to see how you will react

Some of you may have figured this out to some extent. Most of you don't really get why we do it, though. Usually it's little things, little insights into what you're thinking, since you are so great at communicating that sort of thing without our espionage. Sometimes, though, and this is important: things that may seem like they are unimportant, are indications of larger issues. Also, this behavior can be completely subconscious. I have, at times, only realized after one of these conversations that I was pushing those buttons.

Not ALL women are on the fast track to marriage and baby making

Some women, many more than you all realize, don't actually have that hunt-a-man-down-to -marry-and-procreate-with gene. Some of us are happy just to find someone we connect with and enjoy that person. If the natural progression of that relationship leads to the rest of it, then that's fine, but if it doesn't that is ok, too. That being said, you need to know where a woman is on this issue. Assuming she feels one way or the other about it is a dangerous thing, because if you're with a woman who has no long-term intentions, and you act as though your future together is all mapped out, this will freak. her. out. Conversely, if you do happen to be with a woman who is picturing happily ever after, and you don't acknowledge any future together at all, she will quickly grow tired of you coming on board. The good news is that there is a very easy solution to the confusion. Have a conversation.

It's not that your opinions aren't important. It's just that our opinions are important,too, and maybe you haven't made it clear that you have heard them

Whenever I talk to a guy who claims his wife/girlfriend is bossy or overbearing, I ask the same question. When was the last time you told her you agreed with her? More times than not, those men assume that their ladies are trying to throw their weight around, when in reality, they are just trying to make their point (maybe repeatedly), because those men never simply say, "yes, I agree" or "that's a good point".

It's ok to argue, but if that is the main source of the passion in your relationship, something just aint right

We all know people who are in that kind of relationship. They are either fighting or they can't keep their hands off of each other. Some people, and women are certainly as guilty of this as men are, feel like if there isn't drama, there isn't passion. Passion is also in the little things. It's in the loving glance, the hand on the small of her back in a crowded room. If your relationship is constantly hanging by a thread of high emotion, it's not because the intensity is so great that it overshadows everything else. It's because the everything else might be missing. The common ground that sustains a relationship might be muddy. That kind of thing can be fun for a while, but it never lasts.

2 comments:

Betty said...

Amen.

lovthyself said...

Hi Elizabeth,
Some parts of what you 'revealed' are absolute truths without we men wanting to acknowledge it. However, I would beg to differ on certain aspects, which are based on the two experiences in the course of my life. If you care to read, here they are:
Pushing - Both times I have been pushed to the brink of a precipice. I have fallen off once and am about to fall off the second time. My guilt - I did not push back; I accepted 'cos I have been too love struck to try pushing back lest it hurt.
Marriage and baby making (conversation??) - I have always found it difficult to predict or understand the times when she would Adore or when she would Abhor!! I have remained steadfast; she has changed her directions and priorities. Are relations a figment of imagination and whim, which are modified as success and needs walk with her in her path? Talking about conversation, she will refuse a conversation when she is going strong!!
Importance of Opinions: The opinions of 'my' lady matter to me as much as mine, if not more. Does it seem right that a right to 'wrong' is taken for granted only because I tend to agree more than I refute? My patience is labeled as weakness.
Arguing - There isn't enough time to Love, where would I find time or energy to argue.

Some of us are like me, but most like me are dished out a raw deal.