Mother Nature is a whore

I know that I generally keep my bitching to the vague variety, wherein only certain behaviors are pointed at. I am making an exception today because, as the title up there clearly states, Mother Nature is a whore. Not even a high-class call-girl type whore, with a little black book full of names of wealthy clients. Mother Nature is a dirty, unclean street walker who has multiple bruises doled out by her pimp, Satan. Satan feels it necessary to pimp-slap her for many reasons, and I can only hope that today especially, she gets the beating she richly deserves.

Are you wondering why I'm so angry with the hooker in question? Well, it's very simple. Two days ago, the temperature was hovering around 70 degrees. It was lovely. Today...the day I was meant to board an airplane, the day that I have been impatiently awaiting for weeks, the day that would have ended in everything good and fantabulous once I arrived at my destination...this is the day Mother Nature has decided to dump down snow, sleet, and pebbles of hail, canceling all flights until at least tomorrow.

How is this fair? I'm half a hippy. I love all things of the earth, I'm all about organic and finding alternatives to fossil fuel consumption, and anti-aerosol. I was anti-aerosol when I first heard of the dangers to that bitch's ozone layer, when I was just a teenager...in NEW JERSEY. Hello!!! You try being a teenager in the early 90s in NJ sans aerosol. And THIS is how Mother Nature repays me? I'm so done defending and protecting her. I'm all about buying a Hummer now. Is there a vehicle that consumes more fuel? Seriously, tell me. I'll get one. She can kiss my ass.

Don't have pity for me, though. Have pity for anyone who crosses my path this weekend, and especially for those who make the very foolish mistake of pissing me off. Regular snarkiness and sarcasm will be replaced with all out bitchiness until further notice.

1 comments:

Jeff said...

Could I have some fresh snarkiness on a toasted everything bagel, to go?