Be Careful DP, There's a Warthog Loose Down Here...

Nobody answered my weak knock so I swung the door open and expected to be showered with joyous rounds of "Bracelet!!" but instead realized everyone was out on the backporch. Thus my big entry was thwarted.


Instead of the grand entrance my ego imagined, I walked out onto DonkeyPuncher's back porch to half cheers and half groans as my entrance meant some won prop bets while others lost them. Grubby and I were unknowingly battling for the fastest (latest) arrival. Me from Michigan, Grubby from a number of blocks away.

Someone to Grubby when he finally arrived: "You walked!?!"

With the whole group in the heezy (That means "House" for those of you who aren't as black as I am) we spent a few more minutes relieving those pesky beer bottles of their contents and took off for a dinner at what's best described as a "Meat House."

The place was like Heaven for those of us who think vegetables shouldn't be eaten and are probably best used to out the gays.

This email exchange really said it all...



I love that we're eating at a restaurant with "Tang" in the title and they serve "flap meat." Does SoCo pair with flap meat?


Flap Meat should only be eaten with a five o'clock shadow and after you've slapped it a couple times.

Thank you, I'll be hear all week.


And here I expected Bob to make a crack about "black sausage". Disappointing.


Black Sausage, the laziest of all sausages, is best paired with watermelon or large white Flap Meat.

Best served "Angry!"

So I couldn't help but order Flap Meat and Black Sausage for dinner, and I've got to tell you...Black Sausage may be large, but in this case size doesn't translate. It was a lot like sausage combined with gingerbread cookies. So I guess if you are a huge fan of gingerbread cookies you'd probably disagree with me.

You're entitled to your wrong opinion.

We played a little pool.

Iggy's a shark.
Rama has mad crazy game if you imagine the pockets being 3 inches right of where they really are.
Garth played an entire game and only took 1 shot.
DonkeyPuncher can throw an 899, but his pool game rates about a 612.

We took the party over to DP's favorite watering hole, The Houndstooth, where a guy or gal can get themselves a 40oz in a brown paper bag at the same time that they get a high end microbrew. It's a pretty sweet place. They didn't have Champale, but I managed.

At one point we decided that it would be a good idea to head back and play poker.

I found that to be a great idea, if by great idea they meant Lose-a-hundy-while-getting-the-worst-run-of-cards-in-recent-memory-great. I didn't even throw away cards that eventually paired. Nothing I had connected with anything well except the muck.

I hit the sack knowing that it would be a bad idea to drunkenly steam my way towards another couple hundy in losses, and eventually I was joined by the rest of the cast in slumber. That would also be about the time that I awoke to the most unbelievable noise.

At first I didn't want to open my eyes. It sort of reminded me of those dreams I occasionally have where I find myself half-awake (in my dream) and sense some intruder in my room who is checking me for signs of sleep. He brings his face within an inch of mine and is basically waiting to see if I move. If I do, he kills me, and if I don't he leaves with my collection of girls underwear and I live. Well, the whole underwear thing isn't true, but the live or die thing is.

So I didn't want to open my eyes at first. The sound was something I couldn't place, and because it was loud and aggressive I decided it was in my best interest to pretend as if I was still asleep.

The noise intensified, and I began to place the shrieks and growling.

It was a warthog.

And this warthog seemed to be in a life and death struggle with Joe Speaker.

Turns out it was just the most unbelievable snoring you'd ever imagine. I was up for about an hour and a half trying my best to fall back asleep through the battle. The warthog won.

DP walked down the steps at some point to either grab a water or take out his dog and I warned him...

"Be careful DP, there's a warthog loose down here."

And that was just Friday.


Joe Speaker said...

I'l take "Things I Will Never Live Down" for $600, Alex.

elizabeth said...

someone really needs to start getting video of these boy weekends. the classic battle of joe vs warthog would be fabulous youtube material.

Donkeypuncher said...

Wheezy v Daddy in the Spooning Competition would have been great video as well.

That pullout couch saw a lot this past weekend...