hi, invisible internet people

And how are you all? Have you been playing nicely while I've been gone? Good. I know I haven't been very attentive to you, what with all of the whipping and handcuffing going on, but I have not forgotten about you. I did, in fact, get a chance to hang out with some invisible internet folks while my man was here for an unprecedented 10 days. Yes, 10 whole days of sleeping well, because he is the cure for insomnia. But I digress...internet people...right.

Unfortunately, I caught up with this particular group at the tail end of their adventures, when they were all exhausted from the day's drunken debauchery. Still, they did not fail to entertain. Mr. Speaker, you were missed. I hope your birthday was almost as cool as if you had spent it here. At least your friends made it!

Memorable moments during the 10 days of goodness (that I'm willing to put onto the internets, without fear that if my father reads it, he will spontaneously combust):

We attended a family wedding, where the cutest baby on earth was present. Pictures to follow as soon as my dumbass finds the camera cable soon.

I was told by Iggy that the usual motif of this blog looked like "a unicorn farted out flowers and butterflies and shit". He then lit up for the 3rd time in 20 minutes in a non-smoking area. The bartender loved him. I found him to be completely charming.

I got to see the Rooster in full on-pimp mode, much to the disapproval of one friend-of-chick being pimped on.

I won a ridiculous double-or-nothing bet based on watching one of the worst movies ever made, and get this...NOT loving it. Ummm ok. Cha ching.

130 pounds of fury and I spent several minutes dissecting all of the reasons a potentially hot chick wasn't actually hot. I'm still going with weird belly issues. Also, despite Ftrain's claim that I'm "hippy for a skinny chick", Derrick dispelled that myth. It's really just that my hips are bigger than Ftrain's...because I'm not a 10 year old boy.

I got to witness the pussy dance. If you haven't seen it, it's probably not at all what you think it is, and definitely way funnier. I would like to get it up on YouTube ASAP.

I can't possibly translate the drunken ramblings describing the dangers of fellatio when large belt buckles are present, as discussed between Bobby Bracelet and Daddy. I can only tell you that it was simultaneously hilarious and disturbing.

Reason 394 that my man is awesome: His friends and family don't suck at all.


Wheezy said...

fellatio issues involving belt buckles is precisely why I don't own any belt buckles.

A very nice post. Welcome back.

Pictures! Pictures! Pictures!

BG said...

Wrong. I totally suck.

F-Train said...

You know, I've always been convinced that hot chicks travel in packs. I may need to meet some of your friends. There must be one among them that likes 10-year old boys...

Susan said...

We need to meet for cocktails, not breakfast. Our discussions are so G-rated comapred to the fun you talk about with others.

elizabeth said...

susan, we need to get together for something. it's been ages. besides i need to come see your new deluxe apartment in the sky.