sometimes questions are rhetorical

Like when I ask, for instance, whether you (in a general reader sense) are sick of hearing about my man. You know, just as an example. If the answer isn't "of course not!" Rhetorical. Shut up. Ok thanks. (Nice comments about the flowers and the greenness are appreciated, though. Thanks, Kerrianne. You may comment to your heart's content.)

Moving on.

Great weekend, lots of driving. Ok, so I didn't so much drive as I sat in the passenger seat and helped to entertain the driver of many miles across several states by:

1. singing (badly)
2. breaking it down (dancing as awesomely as possible while in a seated position)
3. being generally adorable

I learned that Great Lakes are thusly named for their vastness and ocean-like abilities to produce a BEACH, for reals. Who knew? Ok, well obviously some of you knew, smarty pantses. But I didn't, so it was cool.

For those of you who have been missing my ranting ways, a gift from me to you. Because I'm a giver...

Dear people with small children on airplanes:

I realize that small people have small attention spans, and because of that, it can be difficult to keep them in good spirits while stuck in a metal tube for a prolonged period of time. It's not their fault that they get bored and restless. It's yours. You are the parents. Failing to bring along something that may capture their attention for 30 minutes while the rest of us are also stuck on a plane sitting motionless on a runway is YOUR FAULT. Allowing them to...I don't know...SCREAM at full volume while they careen all of their body weight onto a tray table that happens to be attached to someone else's seat? YOUR FAULT. Humor me, at least. Attempt to curb this behavior at least once. You know what isn't helpful? Giggling. You might think that your 3 year old's tantrum is adorable, because maybe you're a little retarded. It's not adorable. Allowing your 3 other children to join in on the tantrum? Also not even a little cute. It's annoying dozens of people. Again, not the kids' fault. YOUR fault. Kids can only be taught how to behave in public by grown up people who know how to behave in public. I suggest immediate sterilization. Why are you having ANY children with your complete lack of parenting skills, much less 4?

Thanks so much.

7 comments:

Wheezy said...

You're going to kill someone with these posts.

Awww, bullocks!

I've always been a big proponent of being allowed to strike douchebags with poor airline etiquette.

sitboaf said...

Many 3 year olds suffer from Twistaphobia. I bet that was it.

Jeff said...

Wheezy, what is the subject or the object of that last paragraph? Are you going to hit a d-bag that has bad etiquette? Or are you using poor airline etiquette as the weapon? If you're going to comment, please make it coherent.

Oh, Bitty. Thanks so much for the rant. It's like a breath of fresh air. I do second the twisting explanation from Boaf.

There should be a twist kit that drops from the airplane ceiling when the decibels coming from ugly children gets above ZERO.

J

Wheezy said...

Jeff, what I meant was that I'd like to strike (or punch) poor airline etiquette with passengers.

Thanks for the helpful comment.

elp said...

I would like to point out, I was not answering the question you posed in your blog; I was answering the question Is your man annoying? That the answer to this question happened to relate to the answer to your rhetorical question is purely coincidental. Yup, just a happy accident. Note, also, that my comment was an answer to a question you never asked. One might say it was a rhetorical answer. So there.

elizabeth said...

elp: rhetorical this
jeff: glad that wheezy could clear up any misunderstanding






sitboaf said...

What about that guy who put a monkey under his hat and snuck it onto a plane?
Damn. Maybe we should all sneak monkeys onto planes - screechy, angry monkey with sharp claws. And if a child begins to scream, hurl our monkey into the parent's face.