Man Notes™ II

I was going to wait for the next installment of this, so there was more of a monthly schedule to it, but let's face it. I could get fed up with the dating thing at any moment, causing the Man Notes to go on hiatus. I may as well take advantage of the good stuff while it's current and relevant. So, I've covered the little things that women (or at least I) appreciate in a man, in the original Man Notes. I'm going to give you some ways to implement the little positive things. The hope is that it's helpful in two ways. Not only do the little things endear you to the woman, but perhaps more importantly, it gives you some wiggle room for screwing up. Yup, in case you guys don't realize it, we women can actually be very forgiving of a myriad of relationship faux pas, if you are a man worthy enough to overlook the small stuff (and the occasional big blunder). I hear my guy friends wonder all the time what the hot chick is doing with that average-looking shlub. There are two assumptions that are made in that circumstance by those guys, and both are wrong more often than not:

"He must be loaded" - Just because you can't imagine what the hot chick sees in the guy, assuming he's bought her affections is just silly. Now, I'm not saying there aren't women out there who are focused on money, but they are in the minority. Most women simply want a man to be financially stable. We don't want to support you, we want to be able to go to a nice restaurant once in a while, etc. So, it's not the money. Must be something else.

"He must be hung like a horse" - This is purely a guy thing. You all are much more obsessed with this than any woman is. No, I'm not perpetuating the myth that size doesn't matter at all. Of course that's just not true, but unless you are cursed with less-than-average manhood, no woman is going to write you off for not being porn-worthy in proportion. And no woman is going to put up with a guy who sucks as a person just because he's "huge". So, it's not the size. Must be something else.

It's back to the little things. Guys think that women are so demanding, need so much attention, blah blah blah. "Don't you realize that we're too busy working and doing guy things to be constantly reassuring and impressing some girl?" That's the misconception. It's not about reassurance, it's about being appreciated. And showing that takes almost no time at all.

  • The phone: This is a valuable tool, guys. Some of you know this and try to play some weird game with it, ala the infamous "Swingers" phone wait debate. "How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?" A much better way to use the phone as a tool? Pick it up and dial. I'm not saying call every day, 5 times a day. That would make you a stalker. If you have nothing to say, this is the wrong tool. But even if something funny happened to you today, and you think she'll get a giggle out of it, pick up the phone and share it. Don't worry that you'll be trapped in phone jail and a quick 2 minute phone call will now cost you an hour. You can totally call and say "I'm on my way to [wherever], but I just had to call and tell you this because it's funny and I thought you'd appreciate it....gotta run, have a good day.." The fact that you took that two minutes to call and make me laugh? Huge points. I won't even notice you rushed off the phone.

  • The note: So many ways to use this. Could be an actual hand-written thing, could be an email or text. Some people don't feel like they come across well on the phone. The note, in any form, gives you a minute to gather thoughts. You can edit, you can be much more witty than you actually are. My favorite ways the note has been used by guys, past and present, in my life:

    hand-written: left somewhere inconspicuously, meant to be found much later. On the desk in my apartment, there is a notepad. As I tore off the already written-on top sheet to jot something down, there it was. Sweet little "hi, beautiful" note, left at least a couple of weeks ago, because it was written on a random page about halfway through the stack. Cute. Memorable.

    email: this was a long distance situation, so email became important. Anything from a funny childhood story to a recount of the day, including the missing me. Sort of one-on-one blog via email. Sweet.

    text: You know that quick, funny phone call? After hanging up, getting a text message almost immediately, "still thinking about you". This is the kind of little gesture that weakens knees, boys. The text message can be used almost anywhere, anytime. It's a modern technology you should embrace. Stuck in meetings all day? Long commute? Text something nice or funny real quick.

  • The gesture: this seems an obvious one, but I'm surprised at how few men make the small efforts. Open a door, pull out a chair, take off her jacket. Stand up from the table when she gets up to go to the lady's room. We notice these things, really, we do. We love them.

  • Random thoughts: these give us insight to how you think. We dig that. This is fairly universal..why do you think people read so many blogs? We like to know how people think, and if it's a guy we're interested in, the random stuff is what tells us what's in your head. It also shows that your guard is down, if you're willing to just talk unfiltered.
    The random thoughts you might want to keep to yourself on a date: "Wow, that girl over there has HUGE boobs"(though I have to admit, I would personally find that funny)..."I wonder how long I'll have to wait before I can get this one in bed"..."I wish I knew the score of the game"

As I will always try to do, I'm going to end this on the most important.

  • Tell us what you like and what you don't. Seems fairly simple, right? For some reason, though, men seem to be able to hide, or at least, not address, really simple things that turn them on or off. For example, after 6 years with the ex, it was only revealed to me at the very end that tattoos completely disgusted him. I find this to be very weird, and although I don't have any, I was shocked that he had never once even mentioned this strong aversion to body art.

This applies to all things, from mundane to sexual. You might think that if you reveal all your quirks, kinks and taboos, that you will be alienating a girl you're into, but on the other hand, do you really want to waste your (or her) time if those things are incompatible? You also could be pleasantly surprised by revealing something you think might be shocking, only to learn that the woman is on the same page, or at least really open to the idea. This is no longer the Victorian era..women are empowered enough to appreciate this kind of honesty. That doesn't mean that on the first date, the ice-breaking conversation should include the question, "So, how would you feel about a threesome?" That would just make you creepy.

It just goes along with the random thought thing. We want to know what makes you tick. You'll be better able to figure out what makes us tick as well. It's a win-win.

You, too, could be the shlub with the hot chick.


Jeff said...

Where to start?

Well, after cruising all over the Internet looking for your number so I could text you; and applying for that window-washing job so I could write and leave notes all over your apartment; and finally, here are some secret thoughts that men have all the time...

"Hmmm, she'd make a good wife."
"Wow, that's a nice car."
"Hmmm, is Leon getting larger?"
"Golly, is she past the midpoint of this conversation or will it just keep going on all day?"
"Is this my beer?"
"Is that my beer?"
"Did she come? Is she lying?"
"Does this go with this?"
"I don't need to stop for directions, I have a compass in my head."
"Do I have to?"
"Mmmmm. Pizza."
"Mmmmm. Beer."
"Mmmmm. Pizza and beer."
"It's in the hole!"

There's much more, but to share it all would create a blanket party on Jeff by the rest of the men.

"Bees are on the what, now?"

Kel said...

after all these years I have learned that when I ask "what are you thinking" and he answers "uh, nothing" it is better to just leave it at that -

but he has managed to master most of your man points I & II

I think that it's like a survival instinct thing -