Man Notes™ VIII

The Overnight Edition

Since my man is showing no signs of becoming less awesome any time soon, I've decided that Man Notes may have to stay positive for a while. More of a "Should Do", as opposed to "Don't be a Dumbass", as they started out. I guess you could say they are being written through his considerable skillz.

When your woman is visiting your home for the first time, make your place as comfortable as possible for her. Make sure everything is neat and clean, like you live like that all the time. Then, when everything is girl-friendly, make some thoughtful additions before she arrives. We all have our favorite things, and having them at your place makes it just that more enjoyable to visit. If she's going to be spending the night(s), and you have, for example, body wash and lotion in her most favorite scent? That rules. If you also have her favorite cookies, the most delicious root beer ever created, and a bottle of wine that you shared at a cute little wine bar together and both really enjoyed (you know, just for example), all waiting for her arrival? You are well on your way to becoming the bestest man ever.

Going out to good restaurants is always fun, but anyone can go to a nice restaurant. More impressive is when you make the time and effort to cook dinner. The entire process is fun. You can look for a recipe, go shopping together, cook together. A hot man cooking me food = sexy.

Your morning rituals and your lady's morning rituals may be very different. You might down a Diet Mountain Dew (you know, just for example) for your caffeine fix, while she requires multiple shots of espresso in a large, delicious latte. So, you don't have the equipment required to make her caffeine fix of choice. Fair enough. Making it your (nearly) first priority to procure that espresso goodness is a smart thing, because it makes you the caffeine-providing superhero, and insures that she will not get cranky and ruin your day. Everyone is happy!

The most important part of your woman coming to your place to stay...overnight, or for that you are exactly the you that she already knows. Funny and kind and thoughtful. If you aren't any of those things, you better work on it. No amount of preparation or shopping will take the place of you being so great, she hates to leave you. That is the best advice I can give.

In case you can't tell, the weekend went really well.


Jeff said...

For the love of all that is holy and right in this great land of ours, please tell us that you're not practicing making a little twister of your own anytime soon.

I've heard that ugly children are a lot of effort to maintain and the regularity with which they must be twisted can be destructive on your otherwise benign blogging habit.

The next time you decide to bump uglies with this 'so-called' bestest boy, think of your readers and the gentle twisting goodness we are used to with that ugly child from the south.


Wheezy said...

This douchebag sounds awesome and I sorta want to date him myself, only I'm not gay, so maybe we'd just spoon or something, but if the spooning went really well I'd be confused and then one day Old Man Hiller would ask me if I wanted to mow his lawn for twenty bucks and then he'd invite me in for lemonade while he got the money and he'd tell me that I could look at his magazines while he was getting the money and if there was anything interesting in them we could maybe talk about it and I'd see a bunch of dude on dude action and he'd come back with a twenty but without any clothes and I'd be all like, "MR. HILLER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" and he'd be all like, "It's ok, just go with it" and I'd probably get scared because it didn't feel right and even though Old Man Hiller had bigger tits than most of the girls in my high school, due to what I would later learn was low levels of testosterone, I just wouldn't be able to go through with it so I'd run home and lock myself in the bathroom with the JC Penney's bra section like usual until the pictures of double d's and granny panties was enough to make my penis angry because when he gets all worked up it's a totally awesome feeling that only the Plunge Extreme Push-up and a hot blond model can cause.


Feels good to get that off my chest.

elizabeth said...

jeff: no worries. the only baby twisting in the foreseeable future will be done to lillian. practicing is not out of the question, though.

ah, wheezy, how i love your talent with the run-on sentence. and i would totally kick old man hiller's ass if he tried to molest you.