My brain works in a semi-obsessive way when it comes to any end of the emotional spectrum. Stressful? Excited? Either way, I tend to let my mind wander down the road of whatever is inspiring that emotion. So it only makes sense that my mind, and plenty of free time has been trained on home stuff. Design, color, furniture, it's all at the forefront of my brain, which is all a too-long explanation to say:
This kitchen cabinet/organizer thing is so beautiful, I want to lick it. And then I want to own it and organize every cooking utensil and small appliance I have, and then find more stuff to organize in it, because look! So much room! Who needs regular stupid kitchen cabinets anyway?
Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stuff. Show all posts
Despite the fact that my boyfriend is trying to scare me into not eating sushi, because it has too much mercury in it and will apparently kill me, I'm not falling for it. Sushi is delicious. I sweat toxins out several times a week in a very hot room, twisting my body into ridiculous contortions so that I CAN eat mercury-laden tuna if I want to. Sometimes I feel like the Earth itself is trying to just off us annoying humans who aren't stupid enough to kill ourselves slowly by ingesting Big Macs. Fine, it's our own pollution and neglect that put the mercury in the water, which then gets into the fish, but it's a little late for me to smack around the previous generations for that little gift, isn't it? I can't be digging up dead people to have lengthy and heated discussions about the results of their poor environmental habits. Somehow I don't think I would get the necessary response from a pile of bones to light my fire and adequately argue my point. Though in my family, it's possible they'd find a little bit of fight left in them somewhere.
We are stubborn, my family. We are all, individually, always right, without a doubt, which is just fine, until one of us contradicts the other. Then all sense of order in the universe is lost because HELLO...if you don't agree with me, then one of us must be wrong, and it surely isn't me, I can tell you that much. You'll have to be right about something else, with someone else, because I'm not backing down from my extremely correct position. Yes, we are all like that. Some of us are a bit more vocal in our always-rightness, but even my sister, who takes the passive aggressive approach of rolling her eyes and actually scoffing, as if it's not worth explaining to you all of the ways in which she is so much more right than you, does it in such a fashion that it is pointless to argue. Unless it's one of us, because all the eye rolling and psshhht sounds in the world won't deter us from our original point. We're right.
I remember as a kid, when we lived with my grandparents, when I first learned my fate as the next of kin to inherit this stubborn streak that couldn't be squashed. I got to see two generations of it, in both of my grandparents and of course, in my father. How two people ever married each other who wouldn't admit defeat about even the smallest thing, is a mystery to me. In the end, grandma always won, because she was awesome, plus she could pull the cancer card at any time. You don't argue with someone who's got the cancer. It's bad form. As a 5 year old, I could argue with my grandfather to the point that his face would get all red and splotchy, and his only next step was to threaten to take his belt to me for my smart-aleck mouth. I told him he would have to catch me first, and let me tell you, he tried. I was a nimble and quick little thing, though. I would pay money for a YouTube video of that scene. A chase around the dining room table, me running around, ducking under, and eventually out the back door. Good stuff.
This is a random stream of consciousness post. I hope you enjoyed it.
Actual quotes I've heard in the last couple of days from people about their significant others:
"I was at this party with her and realized I didn't want to be seen, like, in public with her. I think it's over"
ummm you think?
"He'd be a great guy if he did stuff, like talk. When he's sober"
yes, talking when sober is one of the main qualifications I use when determining whether a man is dating material
"My wife just doesn't understand that I love her and the kids, but I married a woman who is 15 years younger than me so I could still do whatever I want"
was it your goal to be a scumbag when you married her, or were you already secure in your status as such before the wedding?
"I liked her until we moved in together and I realized she was a whore. And a coke head. It was obvious when she was doing lines on our kitchen table with that guy"
I would say that is a dead giveaway
"I used to like Christmas, but she ruined it with all of her 'bah humbug' every year, so this year, I'm going to ignore Christmas. Maybe then she'll stop bitching about it"
that's the spirit!
Just knowing how awesome I am in comparison to all those people should make my man feel 100% better!
Quote from salesperson:
"This one is a real hit with the ladies"
Was this ultra-persuasive salesperson talking about:
a. a shiny new vibrator with swirly penetrating bead action
b. a pheromone-laden cologne in a bottle shaped like two bodies intertwined
c. a liquor infused with fruit flavor and energy booster
d. a new model of cellphone with vehicle inspired graphics
Yes, you are getting this lovely hello! at 3:15am because
1. my man is awesome (how sick are you of reading that?) HA
2. espresso is awesome
3. i have a problem
Months ago, my espresso maker started to show clear signs of terminal illness. It was sputtering and coughing and making what can only be described as caffeine laden sludge. Sludge I forced myself to endure anyway, because hello? The caffeine. It is important to my ability to breathe and function, and certainly to have a conversation in the morning.
When it finally died the big death, I was forced to go get coffee every morning, and right now, in this ridiculous cold, it's been dreadful.
Today, as I attempted to dominate in the World Series of Sloth (WSOS), I received a mysterious package. It was big. And heavy. But it's not even my birthday yet...or even Christmas! I looked at the return address. Seeing that it was from my man, I was all atwitter. I attempted (very briefly) to guess what it could be before I tore into it. Too heavy for sex toys, too large for lingerie...hmmmm
I ripped into it to find a really adorable card a brand new, spanking yummy caffeine deliciousness maker! It's all shiny and lovely and oh shit, I have no coffee beans! Run to store...run back...thumping and whirring sounds and presto! Yummy coffee goodness in my giant latte bowl. So yummy, in fact, that I made some more. That was around 4pm.
So, here I am. Very much awake, thank you very much. So worth it.
My official first (quite early) birthday gift. Pretty hard to top that. In your face, my entire family and friends who will give me what will surely be less coveted presents! Thanks, bestest boyfriend ever.
If you are one of the lucky, who will see him in Vegas this weekend, give him a big smooch for me!
things seem to work out beautifully...like the weekend my boyfriend comes to town, I don't have to work because someone else needs to switch with me. Sweet, right? Until that day comes and they conveniently "forget" to work. Thanks. And also? Bite me. Good thing my man is awesome and goes with the flow.
So I'm a little late welcoming you all to September. Sorry about that, I've been a little busy over the weekend, which wasn't as long as I would have liked. Can we try to add a couple or 12 extra hours on weekends? Sometimes? Like once or twice a month would be helpful.
Despite the new masthead stuff up there, the weather is actually quite lovely. You'd never even know summer is running away from us at a brisk pace. This morning, I wasn't so sure about that, because I think my internal temperature gauge was busted...but that's a whole different story...and one I'm not going to tell, because it involves the kind of thing I only discuss with my girlfriends and bestest fabulous gay boys. Instead, I will tell you about a movie!
I went to go see Superbad. If you haven't seen it yet, you must. Yes, it's a movie about adolescent geeks. Yes, there are dick jokes, and the typical boy-girl awkwardness that happens in all geeks-in-high-school-movies. Only in this movie? It's 145% funnier than you think it might be.
Not the TV show, but a project created by college students.
"It's about finding new ways of communicating an idea and crossing the boundary between the internet and the real world".
Click here to sign up and invite others. There's a cool diagram linking people together. So if you join via me, you'll be linked to me, and how cool would that be? Linkage on the interwebs forever and ever. Do it. I said so. Thanks.
(Not that I'm counting)...is a long time to wait to see someone you'd prefer to see every 24 minutes.
I hate people. Ok, not all people, but lots of them. Like people who make me cringe at the thought that when I'm asked "What do you do?" and I reply, "I'm an artist", that maybe people are assuming I mean I'm someone who would look at a homeless person and my only thought might be, "Wow, that very sad looking human being who maybe hasn't eaten today would look awesome in a photograph. Black and white." *click click*
I'm not that kind of artist.
If you are a drunk guy sitting at a bar, and a woman walks in and sits in your vicinity, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging her presence, or even giving a compliment. When you offer to buy her a drink, you probably shouldn't insist it be "Irish Whiskey only or don't talk to me", or at the very least, take the hint when she gladly orders a glass of wine.
Hell's Kitchen is back on, people. It's Gordon Ramsay. It's inexperienced chefs trying to cook for him. It's a little slice of culinary goodness. In the premier episode last night, 2 people cried. One was not a woman. He cried more.
That is all for today.
When dating an internet (sort of poker blogger, though not technically, since his now-defunct site was mostly dick jokes) legend, there is an entire extended family, both blood related and bound by other, more degenerate ties, to contend with. I don't think I really considered this when I discovered that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with this man of mine.
As the months have gone by, though, there have been more and more plans involving people I thought of previously as "those people who live out there, on the internet". This past weekend, a few of those people stepped out of the interweb and into the real world of NYC. There were cocktails, and dinner, and more cocktails, and music, and lots more cocktails. Being surrounded by all of these guys, who have known my man in very much single, party boy mode, could have been a little overwhelming.
Fortunately for me, they were all kind and generous and completely accepting. They may be degenerates, but they're the sweetest degenerates I could have the pleasure of meeting. Even Joaquin, who for all his tough guy talk, is actually a good guy. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
Thanks, all. It was fun.
Today was the first game of the season for the Yankees. People around here take that sort of thing very seriously. Having a conversation with me about sports is laughable. I will be proud if I know whether the team you're referring to is a basketball or football team. That is how deep the sports knowledge runs. However, I was a gymnast for a lot of years. Highly competitive, very serious, olympic dreams sort of gymnast. See? You likely learned something new about me today. It's good to visit.
Anyway...thanks to the brilliance of TiVo, I am now able to watch more gymnastics than I was able to before, because they don't have Tuesday Night Gymnastics on primetime. It is, in fact, usually buried on some random channel at 3pm. Not exactly the easiest schedule to follow.
So, I'm watching some World Cup competition recorded in Great Britian, and after the first routine, these odd numbers popped up on the screen. Ummm that guy scored a 14.775? Huh? Last I checked (which wasn't all that recently), the score tops out at 10. What the hell is going on here? Must be some weird foreign scoring system. Stupid foreigners, screwing up the "Perfect 10" system. But then, I watched a local competition. Same thing. So, I had to do some googling. Apparently, they have taken the scoring system from rhythmic gymnastics. What? They have taken the scoring system from a bastardized version of gymnastics?
I've read the details of the new system, and I'm sparing you the boring details. Suffice it to say that they have messed with everything and it's completely annoying. What's the new perfect score? There isn't one...
"The most significant change of the new and controversial Code was the abandonment of the 'Perfect 10' for an open-ended scoring system. Theoretically this means that scores could go infinitely high"
Stupid. I don't care if they shorten or extend the baseball season, if they implement sudden death or overtime into any other random game, or even if they deny athletes into the Hall of Fame of (insert sport here) based on performance enhancing drug use. Really, I don't care. Can't they just leave this one sport alone?
This is Roxie. She was rescued by a homeless man years ago from a bunch of people who were beating her. She has lived with him, on the streets, near my yoga studio for years. Anyone who has ever spent any time in that area knows them. They are a fixture. As you can see, Roxie is a pitbull. She is the kindest, gentlest dog, and an ambassador for the breed, which is labeled so often as "vicious". Her sweetness is also a testament to how well she has been loved by the man who saved her years ago.
Roxie was killed yesterday by a car. The driver of the car did not even stop. I can't say I know the man who cared for her very well, but I can say that in my brief encounters with him, he has always been kind and my heart is broken for him. That sweet dog was the only thing he had in this world. For anyone who has ever had a pet, we can empathize with his loss, but imagine, for a moment, if that was your only companion.
I don't have a happy summation to this, I just felt sad, so I wrote about it. It can't all be snarky and fun.
Ok, I feel a little better and less angry today. Sure, it sucks that my weekend plans got screwed up, but I'm looking on the bright side. I'm going next weekend, and that is a great thing. My fabulous gay friend, R, is having a jewelry show today, which I can now attend, and because he thinks I'm away, it will be a fun surprise. It's sunny and pretty today, though chilly. I'm going to my favorite local brunch place in a little bit, and good food=happy me.
I can now be safely approached without fear of unprovoked attack.
I've been wanting to do a new Man Notes, but to be honest, my current man situation leaves me with nothing to rant about. So, if you have a particular complaint/criticism about the boy gender, let me know. Maybe I'll do a collaborative Man Notes.
Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
What do you do when you suddenly have some extra time on your hands that requires mindless distraction? You stumble upon some random crap. This is why I heart the internet.
You've probably seen this guy's stuff before (in case you haven't, he does 3D drawings on pavement), but here is some of Julian Beever's work I hadn't seen. Click the photo for more.
Ever wonder what your handwriting says about you? Mine says:
"extroverted and emotionally responsive
great inner strength (or callousness)
aspiring, goal-oriented
wishful"
How much caffeine would it take to kill you? Find out
If you'd like a clever way to kill me,
"It would take 97.50 shots of Espresso to put you down."
I'd happily drink them, too. It would be so easy. Mmmmm coffee.
Crazy online art project. I went to all 99 rooms, because I'm OCD like that.
99 Rooms
You know when you meet someone who reminds you that not all men are annoying? That some are, in fact, a lot of fun and capable of holding a conversation? It's nice, huh? I'm just saying.
It's really ridiculously cold right now, and it's only going to get worse over the next few days. I'm considering hibernation as the only viable option, since I'm a big, whiny wimp in the cold. Can someone remind me why I don't live someplace tropical and delicious?
Let me set the scene for you. I went grocery shopping late last night, after yoga. Major shopping. It looked like I was shopping for my family of 6 kids and hungry husband, none of which, of course, exist. So, I'm schlepping the many bags of groceries up to my apartment with the cart from the concierge of my building and I run into a guy I know from seeing him around with his dog.
As I'm about to get into the elevator with the first load of stuff (I had to make 2 trips...I told you it was a lot of food), he stops me and this is the conversation that ensues:
Him: Oh, hey! How are you?
Me: Good, thanks, you?
Him: I've been wanting to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you or...just don't jump to any conclusions, ok?
Me: [hesitantly] Umm alright.
Him: That guy, who lives with you. Is that your brother, or something, or boyfriend, or husband, or...well, I'm trying to ask if you're single.
Me: Oh, he's my roommate, not related, not boyfriend or husband. Yes, single.
Him: Really? Ok, well, I'm not hitting on you. I would, but I'm not, but anyway...I'm asking because I have a friend I think you'd like. I think he'd like you. Are you open to maybe meeting him?
Me: Well, maybe, I guess.
Him: He's tall, in good shape, lives in the neighborhood, he has a dog, he's successful...
Me: Is he nice...funny...boring...that stuff is sort of important.
Him: Oh, he's really nice, and funny, but dry funny, not cartoon funny.
Me: Sounds not-too-scary. I could meet him.
Him: So, that roommate, not your boyfriend? I mean, I would think...he's good looking, you're good-looking...
Me: No, totally not my type, and just went through a heart-stomping break-up.
Him: Oh, ok, well, we should all go for a drink. You, me, my friend...he's cool, and don't worry, he's been on Valtrex for like 8 years.
Me: [beat...uncomfortable giggle] Well, ok then. [confused]
Him: Ok, well, I'm sure I'll run into you soon, we'll make plans.
Me: K, see ya soon.
I walk back to my car to get the second load of crap, all the while, thinking how odd that encounter was. First of all, my roommate hasn't been here very long. I've definitely never run into this guy when with my roommate. How does he even know this guy moved in with me? And why would he make a herpes medication joke? I'm so confused.
I come back into the building, where he is now at the front desk, talking to the doorman, with his very cute dog.
Him: Oh, hey, Elizabeth. Listen, I hope that conversation before wasn't totally inappropriate. I just realized that I had you confused with somebody else in the building. Do you know her? She looks just like you, you could be sisters. Anyway, she's an actress/model, she's in a Valtrex commercial, that's why I made the joke. She lives with a really tall guy, I think he's her brother.
Me: [lightbulb, laughter] No, I don't know her, but that's hilarious. I was wondering how you even knew I had a roommate, and if you made herpes jokes to girls you were trying to hook your single friends up with all the time, because that would explain why you're not helping their single status. At all.
Him: Yeah, I figure if I make my eligible bachelor friends less appealing, more chicks for me. Anyway, good to know you're single. This might work out better than I thought. I'd still like you to meet my friend.
Me: Ok, as long as he doesn't really have herpes, that would be great. Good night!
Being single is weird.
And...as a fun, added bonus, I found out yesterday that the ex totally thinks I'm still in love with him and it's just a matter of time before we get back together. HUH??
people being (maybe too?) creative
Posted by elizabeth at 12:57 AM Labels: artsy, mac geekness, stuffI think some people have been taking National Creativity Month really seriously.
I love me some coffee, but I am far too sleepy in the morning to get into any of this:
click pictures for more
If anyone would like to come over in the mornings to create fun pictures in my latte, you may apply for that position via comments.
These people are really into two things I love: Photoshop and the (please, please, please) forthcoming iPhone
For those of you who are mac-centric, you likely are aware of MacWorld in a few days. If you're planning on going, feel free to pick me up one of those when it's announced there. Thanks.
Then there's the guy who makes portraits out of gum:
The fact that it's tacky is fitting...cheese might be a better medium for that particular model, though.
I was on such a good blogging roll, right? Writing lots and not even just bitching about random stuff (though maybe that is what people want/expect?? because of the title). Anyway, you may have noticed the sporadic writing, and I'm sorry. I've been in a bit of a holiday funk. I don't think I'm going to be able to go see my family for Christmas, and while the family holiday is usually a bittersweet mix of fun and needless drama, I have grown accustom to it. Also, it means I'll miss Lillian's first Christmas. Sure, she's not quite a year old, and won't really remember anything, but still. I'm going to miss her startled surprise at all of the colorfully wrapped boxes, which she will surely find more fun to play with than the toys inside them. I'll probably be able to head down for a few days next month ( I can be there for her birthday), but right now, with Bubba still not quite himself after the gnarly attack (he gets his stitches out in a couple days), work related stuff, and general brokeness, it's not happening.
*random tidbit*
On a completely different and less depressing note, the tv happens to be on right now, and tuned into HGTV. Now playing: a show called "Knitty Gritty" about....you guessed it, folks...KNITTING. Now, I realize that knitting has taken a serious turn toward the cool, and I appreciate a finely knitted sweater/scarf/hat as much as the next guy, but the show? You know the SNL NPR skits? Knitty Gritty is a metaphor for that. Both have fabulous information, but certain topics don't really lend themselves to entertainment. The sudden change from knit-one-purl-one to knit-one-yarn-over is just not riveting television. Perhaps if I knew how to knit? I don't know, but I'm changing the channel before I poke my eye out with a knitting needle (which I'd have to go buy just for that purpose).
How to make me laugh...a lot. Blogger, rock star, angry observer, task master. It's all funny. Enjoy.
via que sera, who partners with Sir Awesome in "Things We Hate"
and thanks, Kelly, for this:
Pointless fake marketing vehicle, indeed. But oddly accurate, methinks. So tell me, what's your seduction style?
–adjective
of, pertaining to, or involving the common people, esp. as contrasted with or separable from an elite
Everyone has different feelings about what is ok to put into their bodies...food, people, I'm talking about food. Anything you want to put in your other parts is just fine with me, and I don't need to hear about it, thanks very much.
For example, some people love the fast food. Ok. It's gross, it's not real food, but that's your choice, and I might have to make gagging sounds if you eat it near me, but go for it. My friends and family expect that kind of reaction from me, because I care about them and don't want them poisoning themselves. They get to harp on me for various other sins I inflict upon myself, but the one thing they can't bug me about...my eating habits. Yes, I am an organic, free-range, fresh herb, pesticide-free, locally-grown/raised-as-often-as-possible consumer. There are lots of reasons for those choices, the first being that I respect my body. I may have children one day. If I do, they will spend their (literally) formative months inside my body. I'd like it to not be a cesspool of foreign hormones and random antibiotics and other drugs, should that happen. Even if I never do have children, though, why would I want anything less than that consideration for myself and the people I care about?
There are also all sorts of socioeconomic issues, like supporting small growers and local economy, but that all falls far second to my selfish reasons of not wanting to eat crap (again, literally).
I am a common blogger. After talking to a friend and fellow (common) blogger, we came to the conclusion that sometimes stuff out there in blogworld just can rub you the wrong way...enough to make a statement about it. Making a statement can be as simple as this little post and a small, almost unnoticeable gesture. So, when a very widely-read blogger says it's just a hippy thing, it's not that I get all riled up about it, I mean, I was raised by a hippy. It's just that I would like people to know that what they eat (yes, even just what remains after you boil a carcass) does matter. So, I will write this, and I will avoid reading a blog that was, by the way, one of the first I ever read, and that I still totally enjoy. But this month, while the reference to the free range thing sits atop, I won't. Am I kidding myself in thinking I'll be missed? Hardly...I do realize that in the elite blogger realm, my common voice is just a soft whisper amongst throngs of screaming voices. There is at least one other voice whispering with me, though.
(The banner below is not a paid ad. It just happens to also be Starbucks call-in day. How fortuitous. Click)
Some links are below, in case you're interested
- some basic organic/free range stuff
- even if you don't care as much as I do about the food thing, this is still totally entertaining.
- more than you probably ever wanted/needed to know
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